boo

...as in, boo to war and the depravity of mankind and families being separated. As Skip is somewhere in transit, and the kids and I search our outdated globe for possible locations, I am surprised at my desperate desire to crawl back under my blankets right after porridge and hot cider, and shut out the world and sleep for a while longer. Which I do, while occasionally being summoned out of my headachey sadness by Ronan searching in vain for his ninja stars, and Toby disgustingly licking his butt while curled up behind my knees.

My heartache manifests itself in odd ways; yesterday Cedahlia's first grade class visited a retirement home in costume, which was fun and cute on the outset, but had a nearly crippling affect on me, that contrast between sweet, young life and oldness. She haunts my thoughts, the woman who was so clearly delighted at 75 children singing and reciting spooky poetry, while her body betrayed her with its twitches and jerks, causing the kids to steer clear of her. Sometimes when I am out and about and I hear a baby cry, my eyes well up and I have to leave the area. Desperate, needy cries that demand comfort and oddly break my heart.

In New Orleans last week our midwest niceness interfered with our sitting peacefully on a bench facing the Mississippi. I thought we should clap for the lone, not super talented gentleman, who sang along with his recordings. And lo, there he was right up in our faces, insisting he 'had a song just for us', which was probably entitled, "Now You Have To Buy My Crappy cd, Or At The Very Least Drop A Fat Tip In My Hat". His face mere inches from ours, giving special attention to first one, then the other, he sang and displayed his chew riddled teeth and lack of physical boundaries. I wish, oh I wish I had just snapped a picture right then, or at least snapped one of Skip's funny, uncomfortable smile as we endured our serenade. What I keep thinking about is his lack of charm, and under-the-surface anger and desperation. When Skip very gently declined on the cd offer, he was done with us and resolute.

Here is Skip standing firm on the no-cd-buying. I will cherish this picture forever, for the memory it contains, but also for how his butt appears to be fighting against the fabric.

My kids are very happy today, in light of getting a package from grandma yesterday and trick or treating with friends tonight, and my promises of raking humongous leaf piles solely for them to jump into. And so, at 11:00am, I am going to drag myself to the shower, and choose to rest in God's peace and be a non news watcher and do all the things that make my babies happy, because that's all I can do for today.